Pitfalls Of Goodness
You’d think that a generous act of goodness bestowed upon you would bring you relief or you’d have a better and easier life. But goodness isn’t always like that. Accepting someone’s generosity can leave you robbed and, in some cases, violated and damaged beyond repair!
Goodness is by far the highest virtue. But like everything else, goodness and generosity aren’t always as good as they may appear.
I’m extremely unhappy right now because someone is extra-ordinarily good to me. Really good. Life-saving good. It may seem ridiculous to complain about being the recipient of unquestionable goodness. It may not be.
The goodness I’m the recipient of is killing me and even I wondered why. The natural response to goodness is – and should be! – gratitude while all I feel is resentment. Then, I suddenly realized why. Déjà vu, my grandparents!
My grandparents were highly-respected, successful, well-meaning, caring and exceedingly generous. In fact, they were so incredibly good and generous they destroyed my Mother. What a mind-blowing insight!!!
My grandparents didn’t do anything bad, only good. And yet, their goodness backfired in the worst way.
Their goodness changed the trajectory of my Mom’s life. Their goodness required many sacrifices, it damaged my Mother physically, mentally and emotionally. It destroyed Her self-esteem. It forced Her to doubt Her integrity. It diminished Her legitimate achievements. It stole years of Her life. It stole Her selfhood. Even after my grandparents passed on, my Mom continued blaming herself for accepting their generosity – and in a way, letting them down – for the rest of Her life.
In hindsight, were my Mom robbed and beaten by criminals, She would have recovered and moved on with Her life. Having been severely hurt by Her parents’ generosity, She couldn’t. Because it’s hard to comprehend that loved ones’ generosity and goodness could be more dangerous than a violent crime committed by strangers. Because it’s unbelievable that the parents She loved could be dangerous, cruel and should not be trusted.
(For the record, my grandparents’ generosity benefitted no one, but it caused a lot of damage that continues until now.)
It’s funny, how we trust without reservations those we love. How we are willing to accept abuse on their hands. It’s tragic because we wouldn’t be as trusting or accepting with strangers…
Should it be goodness and generosity beware OR love beware? Perhaps it’s love that makes us gullible….
Everything, including goodness and generosity, comes with a price. The next time you’re presented with an incredible act of generosity, THINK TWICE! Ask yourself whether you can afford to accept it. Ask yourself whether you’re willing to pay the price of such goodness and live with the consequences.
Being good can be – and often is! – an opportunity to self-aggrandize, control, exploit, brainwash, manipulate, shame, blame and enslave. Generosity – which often comes with strings attached – is a good deed the benefactor does for himself, not for the beneficiary. The beneficiary is often unaware of the pitfalls of accepting generosity. Goodness, the greatest virtue, is often just a well-disguised trap.
Generosity and goodness can be seductive, blinding and confusing. Click To Tweet
The beneficiary of another’s generosity is forced into a role of a freeloader while in fact he or she is often a prey. The benefactor is often a predator with a self-serving agenda.
Goodness can be a blessing or a curse. Do NOT accept goodness, leave alone generosity (especially, from a loved one). It may destroy you and generations to come. There is NOTHING, no hard labor you could perform, no sacrifice you could make that would harm you more than accepting someone’s generosity.
Goodness can be a comforting touch that relieves pain or makes dreams come true. But goodness can also be a torture. It can deprive you of everything, including your selfhood and your life, not to mention dignity. Be afraid, be very afraid and DON’T GET FOOLED! And when the generosity and goodness come from someone you love, SAY NO and run for dear life or else you’ll live to regret it! (Deliberate cruelty of a stranger is nothing compared with the dire consequences of a loved one’s generosity!)
Photo by James Hoey on Unsplash
